13. The Role of Habits in Happiness

13. The Role of Habits in Happiness

When we think about what will make us happy, we usually imagine something big. A better job. A partner. A house. A vacation. The arrival of something new and exciting. And while those moments can absolutely bring joy, they don’t last long enough to carry our happiness for the long haul.

That kind of everyday, baseline happiness, the kind we feel when we’re just living our life, comes from something much more ordinary: habits.

In this post, we’ll explore the role habits play in shaping our happiness. Because the small things we do over and over again start to define who we are, and how we experience our lives.

Rethinking Happiness as a Practice

One of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve made is realizing that happiness is not something we find, it’s something that we create. And one way we create it through small, consistent actions repeated over time.

We don’t become happier people by waiting to feel happy and then acting on it. It’s usually the opposite. We start by taking action, even small ones, and over time, those actions start shifting the way we feel. And the more we repeat them, the more natural they become. Eventually, those actions become part of who we are.

Researchers who study human behavior agree, when it comes to happiness, it’s not the big decisions that shape our lives the most, it’s the repeated ones. The ones that we make almost automatically.

There’s a model in psychology called direct context cuing, and it explains how habits become automatic. It basically means that when we do the same behavior in the same context over and over, our brain forms a link between the situation and the action.

Over time, just being in that situation is enough to trigger the behavior, even if we’re not thinking about it. When that happens, you don’t need to feel motivated or put effort into that habit, you just do it. For instance, you just walk into the kitchen and grab a snack, even when you’re not hungry. Or scroll your phone the second you sit on the couch, because your brain has linked the context and the habit.

Dr. Wendy Wood, along with David Neal and Jeffrey Quinn, published a study called Habits—A Repeat Performance, showing that about 40% of our daily behavior is habitual. In other words, we’re not really choosing it, we are just doing what we have done before, maybe without even realizing it.

And over time, once a habit is formed, it doesn’t need the same kind of mental effort. Brain scans show that when a behavior becomes habitual, there’s less activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning, decision-making, and goal-setting. That part quiets down, because the brain is no longer thinking about it, it’s just running on habit. That’s part of what makes habits so hard to change, they feel natural and effortless, even when they’re not helping us.

But this can also be used to create habits that increase happiness. When we repeatedly choose actions that create small moments of positive emotion, like gratitude, connection, awe, or peace, or even movement, we’re not just feeling better in the moment. We’re creating the habit and building a system that supports long-term well-being.

And we can even take it a step further by replacing habits that lower our well-being. For example, if your go-to wind-down at night is scrolling on your phone, your brain might be associating that behavior with comfort. But we know it’s doing the opposite. It causes increased stress, mental and emotional fatigue, and shortened attention span. You don’t have to stop the habit outright. You can replace it with something that serves the same   purpose and supports your happiness. Try swapping five minutes of scrolling with five minutes of journaling, stretching, or reading a book. Something small that’s relaxing or entertaining.

Because once the behavior is repeated in the same context, your brain will start to cue it automatically. That’s how habits work. They’re not actually built from willpower. Research shows that they’re built from repetition, environment, and reward.

Habits and Identity

Another reason habits are so tied to happiness is that they shape our identity.

There’s a quote from James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, that says:

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become.”

If you want to feel like a calm person, or a happy person, or a connected person, you don’t need to feel that way first. You just need to do something a calm, joyful, or connected person would do. If you want to be a runner, you’ve got to run. And the more you repeat it, the more you’ll believe it. Not just mentally, but in your body. You begin to experience yourself differently.

We usually start trying to build a new habit by focusing exclusively on the outcome. It’s why we go to the gym twice and eat one salad then feel discouraged that we’re not ready for an Ironman. A better approach is to forget about the outcome for now. Just focus on the process of creating the habit. It takes some focus and effort in the beginning, but before you know it, that new habit will be a part of your life and the outcome will just be a natural conclusion.

Here is the bottom line researchers have come to, habits are deeply embedded in our lives, not just in small routines, but in our choices, our relationships, even our sense of identity and morality. And because habits are cued by context and carried out with very little thought, they’re very persistent.

That is why changing them can be so frustrating.

Most of us assume that if we want to change a habit, like eating healthier or exercising more, we just need more willpower. But research shows that’s not usually the problem. The real issue is that your environment is constantly nudging you toward your old patterns, even when your intentions are completely different.

Maybe you planned to go for a walk after work, but your routine says: come home, crash on the couch, scroll your phone. That cue, walking in the door, triggers a response before you’ve even thought about it.

So if you have struggled to change a habit, it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that the habit is working exactly the way habits are designed to work. It’s automatic. It’s tied to your surroundings. And it doesn’t care about your goals.

So if you want to build new habits that support your happiness, don’t just focus on motivation. Focus on your environment. Make the new habit easy and part of your daily environment. That’s how we start to shift behavior, not by forcing change, but by designing for it.

Practical Habit Ideas to Support Happiness

If you want to build habits that support your happiness, they don’t need to be dramatic. In fact, smaller is better, because you’re more likely to stick with them.

Here are a few ways to start:

• First, you can try Habit stacking: Which just means adding something small and positive to an existing habit. For example, when you make your morning coffee, take one extra minute to stretch or step outside. Or say something nice to yourself every time you catch your reflection.
• Second, start tiny, not small, tiny: Instead of committing to a 30-minute meditation, start with 1 minute of focusing on your breathing. Instead of journaling a full page, write one sentence a day.
• And Last, use identity-based language: Instead of saying “I’m trying to meditate,” say, “I’m someone meditates every day.” Let the habit remind you of who you’re becoming.

This week’s Happiness Challenge: The Tiny Habit Practice

Your challenge this week is to create a 1-minute happiness habit. Choose one small action that feels good to you, and remember, start tiny. It could be:

• Lighting a candle and taking three deep breaths
• Stepping outside for a minute and really noticing your environment
• Writing one thing you are grateful for and feeling that gratitude
• Texting someone just to say you’re thinking of them

Commit to doing it every day for one week. Same time, same place if possible. That’s it. Start that habit for one week. Forget the outcome, just do it. Then next week you can decide if you want to continue.

I have created a worksheet in the Podcast Resources Hub to help you log your habit and plan for ways to slowly increase it for more impact. Use THIS LINK to get started.

Big life changes can absolutely contribute to our happiness, but they are not always in our control. What is in our control is what we do every day.

The way we treat ourselves, how we spend our time, the choices we repeat, shape who we become.

So today, you don’t need to change everything. Just add one small thing and get that habit started.

Thanks for reading, and remember, happiness is something you can build, one small habit at a time.

Until next time.

-Karen

😚🎶🪕