17. Presence: The Happiness of Right Now

Presence: The Happiness of Right Now

Welcome to the blog version of the Redefining Happiness Podcast. In this post, we're exploring something many of us struggle with in everyday life: presence. Not just being somewhere physically but actually experiencing the moment we're in. This is Part Two of a three-part series on “Stretching Happiness Across Time,” and today we’re looking at what it means to feel happiness right now.

Last week we talked about anticipation, and we used the example of getting four days of happiness from a Friday night dinner with friends just by letting yourself look forward to it. But when the dinner finally arrives and you're sitting at that table, are you actually there for it? Or are you already thinking about your weekend plans and checking your phone?

And that’s what we’re talking about today, presence, and how to stay anchored in the good moments when they're actually happening.

Because even when life is going just fine, many of us still feel like we’re missing something. We’re here, but our minds aren’t. We’re scrolling, planning, running through to-do lists, replaying conversations, and thinking about what’s next. We’re living, but we’re not experiencing our life as it’s happening. And we often do this without even realizing it. And research shows this matters more than we think.

Dr. Ellen Langer, a pioneer of mindfulness in psychology, found that just paying attention, what she calls “active noticing”, can increase happiness, improve memory, and even benefit physical health. Her work shows that the more engaged we are with the present moment, the more fully we experience our lives.

Unlike traditional mindfulness practices that involve meditation or spirituality, Dr. Langer’s work is grounded in psychology. It’s about becoming more aware of your surroundings by actively noticing new things in the present moment, which is especially important in a world that is constantly pulling our attention away, from multitasking to social media to the endless to-do list in our minds.

And one of the biggest culprits? Our phones. Mindless scrolling has become one of the most common ways we disconnect from the present. These apps are designed to keep us engaged by feeding us a steady stream of content, surprise, and small rewards in a way that’s extremely habit-forming. Each time something catches your interest while scrolling, your brain releases a little dopamine, which reinforces the behavior.

This cycle of intermittent rewards you get through scrolling is the same principle used in slot machines. Your brain doesn’t know what’s coming next, so it keeps checking, just in case. You’ve probably noticed yourself reaching for your phone without even meaning to or looking up from your phone and an hour has disappeared. Meanwhile, you just went on there to “check something real quick.”

The more we scroll, the more our brains get used to distraction as the default. We train ourselves to seek constant stimulation, which makes it harder to sit still, harder to focus, and harder to feel satisfied with the moment we’re actually in. So what starts as a quick check turns into an hour lost, not just in time, but in presence. And the more often we check out, the harder it is to check back in, and the more disconnected we feel from the life we’re actually living.

Why We Drift Away

We live in a world that praises productivity, constant motion, and always being reachable, always checking notifications, always responding to messages. But it all comes at a cost. The more scattered our attention becomes, the harder it is to access the peace, joy, and meaning that’s already present in our lives.

Your mind wandering isn’t always bad. It can help with creativity or problem-solving. But when it becomes our default, or it’s spent obsessively absorbed on fixing our lives, rehashing our past, planning our future, or worrying, we miss the life that’s happening right in front of us.

And even more than that, we train our minds to treat the now as less important than what's ahead. And that creates a gap between living and feeling like we’re living. We go through the motions, but the experience doesn’t fully register. It’s like we were there, but we weren’t really there.

This is also how we end up feeling like time’s flying, like we’re always busy but never satisfied. We’re constantly skipping past the present moment in search of something better, and that better moment is often right here. We’re just not paying attention.

How to Practice Presence

Think about the last time you went for a walk. Were you noticing the nature or how nice it feels to get out and move? Or were you mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s conversation or worrying about something you forgot to do?

Or how about eating a meal? Did you taste it, or were you focused on a screen?

When you start paying attention, you’ll probably notice that your mind drifts a lot, and that’s normal. It’s just how the mind works. But the more you practice presence, the more your brain adapts. You’ll start noticing more. Savoring more. And feeling more of the good that’s already in your life.

Presence is what makes happiness stick. It’s what turns an ordinary moment into something meaningful. The more we come back to the present, the more we create opportunities for joy to actually be felt. And when you build the habit of mindfulness, of being present in the moment, you’re not just improving your mood, you’re building a stronger connection to your own life.

This is where something called savoring comes in. In positive psychology, savoring is the practice of appreciating positive experiences. It’s different from gratitude or reflection, it’s about consciously appreciating a positive experience, whether it’s unfolding right now or being revisited later. Even just pausing for a few extra seconds to take something in can deepen the positive emotion you feel, and that deepening helps build a more meaningful and happy life.

Researchers like Barbara Fredrickson have shown that when we take time to really feel and stretch out positive emotions, through things like mindfulness, awe, connection, or savoring, we’re not just enjoying the moment. We’re strengthening our capacity for joy, resilience, and emotional health over time.

So presence isn’t just about reducing stress or getting out of your head. It’s also how you build happiness.

This Week’s Happiness Challenge: Return to Now

This week, your challenge is to catch your mind when it wanders and gently guide it back.

Try this:

Choose one everyday activity, drinking your coffee, brushing your teeth, washing the dishes, and do it with full attention. Notice the sensations. Feel the moment.

This might sound small, but it’s exactly how presence is built. You don’t need to meditate by the ocean to practice mindfulness. You just need to notice what you’re already doing and let it be enough.

When your mind wanders, just say to yourself, “Come back.” No judgment. Just return to now.

Even if your mind wanders 10 times in 5 minutes, it's still progress. That’s the practice. Every time you return to the moment, you’re strengthening a new habit of presence.

Do this once a day for the whole week. Do this once a day for a whole week and notice how it affects your mood. Or you can switch it up and try being fully present in a conversation with someone you love. You can be present in any small way. Trying this out in different ways is going to show you how easy it is to be present in any given moment and how much more enjoyable those moments are when you develop this habit. And when you look back, you're going to see that those moments are clear in your mind.

They're more present in your mind because you were there for them. You weren't tuned out. You can even make it something pleasant, like go stand outside and look at the birds for a couple minutes without letting your mind wander.

You might be surprised how much more grounded you feel. How much more you notice. And how much more connected you feel to the life you’re already living.

Happiness isn’t hiding in the next big thing. It’s often waiting to be noticed in the moment you’re already in. You don’t need a different life to feel better, you just need to be more present in the one you have. Presence is how you make happiness real. Because if you’re not present, you miss the very moments you’ve been waiting for.

Wrapping Up

Thanks for being here with me today. If you’d like to dig deeper into the posts, sign up for the FREE Resources Hub, your go-to library for exercises, templates, and exclusive content to help you apply what you’re learning each week. Just click on the link below to get started. 

Next week is the third and final part of the Stretching Happiness Across Time series. And we'll be talking about how to hold on to those good moments after they happen and make them last even longer.

Good luck with being present and I'll see you next time.

😚🎶🪕