8. The Focusing Illusion: Is One Goal Defining Your Happiness?

The Focusing Illusion: Is One Goal Defining Your Happiness?

Welcome to the blog companion to Episode 8 of the Redefining Happiness Podcast. If you've ever found yourself chasing a goal thinking it would change everything, only to feel surprisingly underwhelmed when you got there, this one’s for you. In today’s episode, we look at a powerful psychological trap that can quietly sabotage our happiness without us even realizing it: the focusing illusion.

Let’s dive into how our attention shapes our happiness, and how to refocus it in a way that actually supports our well-being.

The Focusing Illusion: When Our Minds Play Tricks

Today, we’re continuing the conversation we’ve been having over the last two episodes on research conducted by Dr. Daniel Kahneman. We started with the idea of our two selves, how we experience life and how we remember it, and then moved on to the Peak-End Rule, which showed us how two moments, the emotional high point and the ending, can shape how we remember entire experiences, even if the rest was just okay.

Today, we’re continuing that conversation. Because there’s another hidden trap that even the most self-aware of us can fall into when it comes to happiness, and it’s called the focusing illusion.

“Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you’re thinking about it.”

Kahneman, along with Dr. David Schkade, introduced the idea of the focusing illusion. In other words, when we intensely focus on something, like a goal, our mind exaggerates how much that thing will affect our overall happiness. While we’re chasing that goal, it can feel like everything depends on it. We tell ourselves, once I get there, then I’ll be happy.

But the truth is, when we finally reach that milestone, it becomes just one part of the bigger story of our lives. It’s not as life-changing, or permanently happiness-boosting, as it felt while we were focusing on it.

This is just human nature, but it can trick us into delaying our happiness. When we overinvest our energy and hope into one big moment, thinking it’s the answer, we overlook the simple, meaningful experiences that are already available to us now. We convince ourselves that we can’t really be happy until we get there, and in the meantime, we miss the parts of life that actually shape how we feel.

An Eye-Opening Study

Let me give you an example. In a study by psychologists Dr. Norbert Schwarz and Dr. Fritz Strack, college students were asked two simple questions:
“How happy are you?” and “How many dates did you have last month?”

Now here’s where it gets interesting: when the happiness question came first, the correlation between the two answers was almost nothing, just 0.12. But when they asked the dating question first, the correlation jumped to 0.66.

So, what does that tell us? It shows that just by focusing on dating, students started believing it was a major factor in how happy they were. Their judgment of that one aspect of their lives colored their overall perspective, even if it wasn’t something they would have normally factored in so heavily. Focusing on it specifically was enough to shift their view of their own happiness. Their focus changed their perspective.

That’s the focusing illusion at work. Whatever you're thinking about most starts to feel like the most important part of your life, even if it's not. And that can shape your entire sense of happiness in the moment.

Try It Yourself

Let’s try this in real time, just to see how powerful this effect can be. Right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life?
Don’t overthink it, just go with your gut.

Now I want you to focus for a moment on your finances. Think about your income, your savings, your expenses, your future financial needs, any big expenses coming up.

Now, once again, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life?

Did your number change?
If it dropped, you just experienced the focusing illusion in action. By zooming in on one area of your life, especially one that might feel stressful, it suddenly felt like it carried more weight in the big picture. Even though nothing about your actual life changed, your perception of your happiness shifted.

Why Ordinary Days Matter More

Kahneman’s research shows that how we spend our time each day has a much bigger impact on our experiencing self, and on our real happiness, than we often realize.

It’s not just about the highlights or the big goals. It’s about the texture of our ordinary days, how we move through our rituals and routines, how we connect with others, and how we balance work and rest.

Small choices, like our commute, our pace, our conversations, quietly shape the emotional fabric of our lives. And if we spend most of our time feeling rushed, stressed, isolated, or disconnected, no big achievement will ever fully undo that.

But when our days are filled with smaller, meaningful moments, ones that tap into connection, fun, creativity, peace, or purpose, our life as a whole begins to feel fuller, no matter what milestones we do or don’t reach.

And that starts with an honest look at what really brings us joy, peace, fulfillment, and well-being. Not the flashy answers, not the milestone moments, but the steady, sustaining ones. Because no single milestone will ever be enough to determine your happiness. But the way you focus your attention each day just might.

A Personal Reflection

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have goals or milestones. Dreams are beautiful. Working toward meaningful achievements can absolutely add richness to our lives. But the happiness we think the goal will bring is usually built, or eroded, by how we live on the way there. How much we do or don’t enjoy the process.

When we stop falling for the focusing illusion, and start honoring our day-to-day experiences, we build a happiness that is more resilient, more authentic, and more deeply felt.

Let me share something personal here.

For a long time, I used to hyperfocus on one big thing I thought would make me happy. The impressive job, the perfect looks, the great relationship, basically all the external solutions we’ve been sold on. There was always something I was chasing, that consumed my entire focus, and I truly believed that once I got it, I’d be happy, and I’d feel complete.

But no matter how many of those boxes I checked, that feeling of fulfillment, of being whole, of having what I thought of as the right life, never happened.

What changed everything for me wasn’t giving up on big goals, it was learning that no one thing can create happiness. No, not even winning the lottery. And that postponing living my life to exclusively focus on one thing actually has the opposite effect.

So now while I still have my goals, I no longer expect them to carry the full weight of my happiness. I’ve learned to really enjoy the process of them, and at the same time, start paying attention to the rest of my life too.

The little moments. The regular days. The parts of life that don’t seem important when your attention is consumed by a single goal, but actually are what matter the most.

That’s the shift this episode is really about. Because when you change what you focus on, you change what you value and how you feel. Not just in hindsight, but in real time.

This Week’s Happiness Challenge: Refocusing the Goal

This week’s Happiness Challenge is all about gently shifting your focus.

I want you to take a few quiet minutes and reflect on where your attention is going.

• Is there one big thing you’re pinning your happiness on right now?
• Are you enjoying the process?
• Are you missing the moments in between?

To help you go deeper, I’ve created a guided journaling worksheet with reflection questions to help you reframe the way you relate to your goal and reconnect with what actually brings you happiness.

You can grab the full worksheet inside the Resources Hub

If you haven’t signed up yet, this is the perfect time to join. It’s free, and once you’re in, you’ll get access to every episode’s tools, including bonus downloads I don’t share anywhere else.

Final Thoughts

Thanks so much for being here with me today. I hope this episode gave you a new way to think about what really shapes your happiness.

This week’s challenge is an invitation to gently shift your focus. To ask yourself what you’ve been waiting for to feel happy, and to start bringing that feeling into the present. Not by giving up the goal, but by redefining its role in your happiness. Because happiness isn’t waiting at the finish line. It’s in the process. It’s in the way you live your day. And it’s in the attention you give to what’s already good.

If you found today’s episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with a friend who’s on their own happiness journey.

See you next time.